It's 22 days and counting so far until I hopefully get to go back home for the break see my partners in crime and someone else who I've got things to settle with.

Aside from the fact the last three attempts have been shit and mom being her usual paranoid self that if I go back there I'm bound to screw up my life in someway or form... As if I hadn't already been there kicked it's ass when I was a wee lass in the 9th grade with the smoking and drinking I picked up that later increased and put me in some shadowy hours...

At this point in my life I can't really screw it up. I've gotten pass the number one fear that my mother had, which was me having a kid like she did when she was 16. So I'm kid free.
I got into some drugs she doesn't know that nor does she need to either, however even though I got into them I quit just as fast as I started without all that bullshit rehab crap.
Dated a bunch of jerks and survived them all. Been through the "OMFGS what is going on, this can't be happening moments" and both Dana and Bridget know I've had enough that have put me into some "shut-down" moods where I refuse all means of humanity and turn into a lifeless snarling bitch who attacks the first person who tries to pity me.
Along with some other stuff both good and bad, but mostly bad until that bad shapes me into a grounded person which is good to be grounded.

Yes indeed things seem to be normal for my slowly dying teenage life. Yet I think that might be the problem... I've changed from what my partners in crime and that specific person know. So much that now it's got me worried. None of them have seen me in well over a year. They might be able to pick me out of crowd by my features but over the year I've went through so much without them at my side. I can't help, but feel like the "lone wolf" who was taken from their pack to be studied by humans then after putting me through "shell shock or homesickness" they decide to release me back into the wild after they've pretty much broken me down to the point I might as well be relying on humans to care for me.

I want to go back home, be with my "pack" so to speak, but it's hard to know how things are going to turn out after the span of time. Will they need me? After all I got quite a few of them through the drama etc... Are things going to pick up as they were before? Partying, jamming in Koray's garage, heading downtown to enjoy the cultural vibe that sweeps across the HauptStrasse all of that stuff. Is it going to be as I remember it or is it going to just as strange to me as it will be when Damion catches eye of me for the first time since November 11th when he drove me to the skate park to tell me how much he was going to miss me and that he loved me and that he wasn't going to say goodbye to me either cause I swore to find a back home etc...